Posts Tagged ‘voodoo’

At around 500 BC, and in a moment of weakness whilst being hacked off at the lack of things to do in China at the time, the great Confucius said “when the Gods piss on you, they piss on you from a great height”. Now, I’m not sure if he was a visionary as far as 2500 years into the future, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he was predicting the outcome of the Antrim/Roscommon round 5 NFL game in Casement in mid-March under a musky northern sky.

Confucius – Saffron man?

Another of his quips was “Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself”. Well, if Dawson has anything about him this weekend he’d bring in a few Antrim fans to training this week and show to the squad the effect their limp performance last weekend on the unwashed. I’ve never been as depressed. Drinking heavily. This was meant to be a new dawn and it was going ever so well. Cavan were put to the sword. The ref acted the bollocks against Sligo. Fermanagh parked their entire county’s people (453) in front of their 20m line in a draw. Another draw in Wicklow after a traumatic 5-day journey. All acceptable.

The road to Wicklow

All that changed last weekend. Antrim refused to score until the 27th minute. I can’t put my finger on that. With a forward line of the Murrays, Pollock, the Herrons and Kelly it makes no sense. There was a rumour circulating Casement that Tomas McCann, who truly looked agitated on the bench, had recently been seen reading books about voodoo and telepathy in a library up near Randalstown. Was he sabotaging the attacking unit with his newly acquired expertise in the dark arts? It cannot be ruled out. He did come on for one of the Murrays and knocked over two dubious frees, making him top scorer. Was the ref affected too? We’ll watch that space but it’s the logical next step for tactics within the GAA and something the ingenious Cargin man is capable of leading the way in.

I really don’t want to dwell on the rest of the game. The Sheep Stealers were always in control. Barra Best scored the only Antrim goal – a credit to the weatherman from the West after his sublime performance that morning on the BBC when he predicted snow on St Patrick’s Day which, although never happened, excited the orangemen momentarily. We need to look forward though. This weekend Meath come to town. A win there and relegation fears turn to promotional hope with one game to go.

Barra Best knew it’d be cold

Are Meath any good? Cavan beat them out the gate. That’s enough for me. I’m not here to pick the team for Frank but he could do no worse than look about changing the whole team. I’ve always thought a full forward line of Barra, Conal Kelly and Sean McVeigh would dazzle the keeper’s eyeballs from their sockets. It’d be like three big lightbulbs haring down on you. Unmarkable. I’d have the two Herrons flanking Connor Murray in the full back line. They’re big mountain lads from Lamh Dhearg, well used to protecting their land from bears and goats. I’d place Kerr and Finucane in centrefield. Them lads could pluck grass from a giraffe’s nostril. You’d also have the added bonus of Kerr’s unerringly accurate free-taking expertise without having to run the length of the field from his own goalmouth – something that he simply cannot do given his tendency to chat to everyone he passes. Such a friendly chap. Throw Pollock in goals and give Tomas a free reign to work his magic. Hey presto – a team to put the fear of God into Donegal.

Kerr and McCann

So there you do. The future can be bright. I just hope Frank is reading.